Synopsis

Dating and Interpersonal Intelligence Workshop

Text Synopsis Part 1 and 2

Part 1: Validating Feelings

In the first workshop of the Interpersonal Intelligence series, the skill of validation was broken down into its essential components so that participants would learn how to apply this skill in their personal life.

Some of the ideas included recognizing when someone is experiencing intense emotions as opposed to being rational and logical, and how to respond or NOT respond. Another skill was identifying the Attack Defend Spiral. The Attack Defend Spiral occurs when one person attacks another – perhaps unwittingly, and in response to the attack, the other defends themselves with a counterattack, thus leading the interaction into a negative spiral without achieving any resolution. This usually occurs because we all have personal sensitivities that make us more reactive to certain comments and questions. If we don’t share our personal sensitivities with our significant others, they might step into a minefield without knowing it. The conclusion was that to interact successfully with someone who is expressing an emotion, we must validate their experience and emotion so that we do not enter the Attack Defend Spiral.  We must also improve our understanding of the other’s sensitivities, which will also allow us to connect to them on a deeper level.

Additionally, although this often occurs because of a lack of awareness, we covered the specific ways we invalidate each other. The goal is that with increased awareness, we can effectively avoid the pitfalls of being invalidating or dismissive toward our loved ones.

Finally, by appropriately validating others, we can handle emotionally charged conversations and increase connection to the important people in our lives.

In our next workshop, we will continue learning more about validation and actually practice this skill so that we can become proficient in what is probably the MOST VITAL skill in every relationship!

Part 2

In Part 2 of the Validating Feelings workshop, we focused on how to figure out WHAT to validate and HOW to say it. Since it can be a real challenge to attempt that skill, it was broken down into a clear, step-by-step process so that anyone who wants to master this skill can do so. With a number of role plays and audience participation, we practiced a variety of scenarios that may occur within a dating relationship, marriage, or work environment.

When you say, “I understand you,” or “I feel you,” are you validating the other person? Check out the videos to discover the answer!