Contemplating Connections: A Journey of Self-Discovery in Shidduchim

“Recently, I’ve been reflecting on the journey of shidduchim – it’s a path filled with hope, but also challenges and, yes, sometimes rejection. I’ve realized that often, we become our own biggest hurdle in this process.

Think about it: We enter the dating scene, but our thoughts are clouded with fear and self-doubt. We’re so worried about the intentions of the other person, so afraid of the unknown, that we end up pushing too hard or building walls around ourselves.

I experienced this myself. I met someone I was genuinely interested in, but my fear of the unknown made me rush things. I wanted answers, certainty, and in doing so, I pushed her away. I was trying to control the outcome because I was afraid to be vulnerable.

But here’s the thing: vulnerability is where connection happens. It’s where we find the real, deep, meaningful relationships we’re longing for in the world of shidduchim. I had to learn this the hard way.

After that experience, I found myself back at square one, but with a new perspective. I realized that each interaction, each step forward, is progress – even if it doesn’t lead where I hoped.

I started to approach dating with a new mantra: ‘Trust the process. Trust your intuition. Trust yourself.’ It’s about being present, engaged, and, most importantly, authentic.

Yes, there will be rejections. They sting, they challenge our self-worth, but they are not reflections of our value. They are simply signs that it wasn’t the right match. And that’s okay. Each ‘no’ is a step closer to the right ‘yes.’

I’ve been focusing on the now, on being grateful for what I have, and on positive affirmations. I remind myself, ‘I am deserving.’ I am a smart and amazing man on a phenomenal journey of healing and discovery.

I’ve come a long way. I now trust myself enough to be vulnerable, to put myself out there in the world of shidduchim. I’m learning to let relationships evolve naturally, without forcing them. And I believe it will happen for me.

So, I ask you: Have you felt scared and uneasy at the beginning of a relationship? What helps you to relax, to let go, and let things happen? Remember, the first step in finding connection is to be open to it, to be your authentic self. Trust yourself, and the rest will follow.”