The Unlikely Shidduch
by Rabbi Aaron Subar
(a true story about Eliezer Miller and Chana Foxman, members of PINS)
Although chazal tell us that shidduchim are proposed in heaven 40 days before the embryo is formed, it sometimes takes a little bit longer for the couple to finally get together and become engaged. At least that’s how it was for Eliezer and Chana Miller, who are today happily married with a child, but who certainly went through what could be called “The Unlikely Shidduch.”
In fact, Eliezer pinpoints three areas of hashgacha pratis which he feels were evident in the shidduch process with Chana. Eliezer and Chana had both been going out for several years and were quite burnt out by the conventional shidduch methods, always, for some reason, being paired with a potential partner that just did NOT fit.
For Chana, the choice to try Partners in Shidduchim came as a result of not seeing any results from the standard method, but for Eliezer, it was an incidence of hashgacha pratis that brought him to PINS in the first place.
Eliezer did NOT want his resume put on a website. He had bad experiences in the past with in the realm of shidduchim. In his words, shadchanim were redting him ‘bushes and trees,’ His sister wanted to try her hand at shadchanus and wanted to use PINS. In order to do so, PINS requires that you enter a shidduch profile, and you become the PAL (the advocate for the person seeking a shidduch) so she put Eliezer’s profile there, without his knowledge.
According to Eliezer, no shadchan would have put Eliezer and Chana together. To him it seemed that both he and Chana had different hashkafos and therefore would not be a match. ‘I always strive for the emess’ he says. ‘It’s not about just falling into a certain hashkafa, like being for example Yeshivish, rather it’s about being right or wrong. Is it right – yes, is it wrong, no!’
But Chana stumbled across Eliezer’s profile on PINS and where shadchanus left off, PINS took over. Something in his resume attracted her and she gave it to her father along with several other PINS profiles for review.
That, says Eliezer, is where the second piece of hashgacha pratis comes in. Chana’s father is a very discerning and insightful person and was careful to research shidduchim carefully. While looking through the PINS profiles, something about Eliezer’s resume stood out. In fact, Rabbi Foxman recognized the family name and knew them very well. He had learned together with Mr. Miller, Eliezer’s father, and had often walked home from the train on the way from work, when both their families were living in Far Rockaway. Rabbi. Foxman had great respect for the Millers, and that was the second factor that contributed to the making of this shidduch.
The Foxmans asked a shadchan they knew to redt the shidduch to Eliezer. The shadchan looked at the resume, didn’t see a match, and reluctantly spoke to Eliezer about it with hesitation clearly evident. So, her resume went into his pile and was forgotten.
The family tried a second time and, this time, they reached out to Eliezer’s chavrusa, who Rabbi Foxman knew through his father. But, still, the resume went onto the growing pile and was not given serious consideration because Eliezer was in middle of dating someone else.
The third hashgacha pratis incident which clinched the deal occurred when Eliezer’s chavrusa sent him Chana’s profile again, this time by email, which Eliezer’s father was privy in seeing as well. So, when Mr. Miller saw the name of his old friend Rabbi Foxman on the email, he told Eliezer that he recommended the shidduch. The rest, they say, is history.
Nine dates later and Eliezer having some hesitation, the couple was involved in a hit and run accident on the way home from a date. Rather than bringing out tension and nervousness in the couple, Chana’s calm and cool demeanor through the stressful ordeal gave Eliezer the confidence that he had finally found his life’s mate.
Eliezer and Chana are now married a year and a half and have a beautiful child and a happy marriage. Chana is a clear example of the value of Partners in Shidduchim. She had simply run out of possibilities in the traditional system and made the decision to take hold of the reins herself and seek out help through PINS. And Eliezer, who would NOT post his profile online, today simply doesn’t understand why someone would NOT want to use Partners in Shidduchim and, instead, feels inspired from his personal success story to encourage singles to open their minds to new possibilities. Eliezer and Chana both feel that the PINS platform should become a standard in the shidduch process rather than a bidieved, because who knows you better then you, ‘It works, it really works!’
Take the plunge, post your profile, and get the ball rolling towards your wedding day with Partners in Shidduchim.