Lessons for Shidduchim from the Business World
By Dr. Chevie Weiss
As a shadchan for more than 20 years, I empathize with the singles who are frustrated by the shidduch arena. I honestly believe that shidduch profiles and photos have destroyed a great system, and today singles are deciding their entire future by a few words on a piece of paper. It is all too often that I hear statements like, “I don’t like one of the adjectives she used to describe herself so she’s not for me”, or “His sister went to THAT school? He can’t be for me!”
I may not like that system, but it’s how things are done today, so I adapt. But I am always amazed by the singles I meet who stay unmarried year after year and refuse to adapt to the changing shidduch world. There difference between those who get married and those who don’t can be explained by the examples of two companies – one that succeeded and one that failed.
At one point in time, the Finland-based Nokia was one of the most popular mobile phone companies in the world, with 40% of the market share. From 1996 to 2000, revenues rose more than 500%! What happened?
When it was rising to the top, Nokia was bold and ambitious. It was determined to succeed, and built a strategy for success. But then it got overconfident and stopped innovating. It liked its existing products and wanted the world to buy those. But the world didn’t want those anymore. Things had changed. This led other companies to catch up and overtake Nokia. It lost business, went downhill, and eventually sold itself and disappeared.
Then there’s Coca Cola, which has been around since the late 1800s. It’s very popular and continues to be successful. When sales lag, it doesn’t just sit and resist changing for the market audience, it adapts. For example, when it realized that not everyone wanted to drink unhealthy sugary drinks, it started selling water (Dasani) and juices (Minute Maid), and last year even bought out a coffee company.
Coca Cola succeeds because it understands that the world is changing. It focuses on what the public want, and it changes to meet their needs.
As the world changes, so does the shidduch arena. Singles who refuse to change become like Nokia’s old, outdated equipment. There are three basic principles to finding your spouse:
- Understand the market audience for what you actually have to offer (not what you think you have to offer). With every passing year, your dating pool shrinks, and you have to adapt what you want to what is actually available for you. Realize that you can only date those who want to date you, so be realistic about your options.
- You have to change and innovate in a dating world that is changing around you. That doesn’t mean changing your values, but it can mean changing your priorities. If you are 30, you can’t be looking for the same thing as when you were 20. Even more if you are 40. Don’t be a Nokia. Be a Coca Cola. Be open minded about WHO you date and what you think you need.
- You also should be open minded about HOW you date. If you have been dating for a while and the avenues you are using aren’t working, you need to shake things up. Many people don’t want to “put themselves out there” for shidduchim. They refuse to have their profile on the FREE Partners in Shidduchim site, which has a few thousand members and is growing all the time. Did you know that the site offers access to more than 80 shadchanim who can review profiles and set up singles? And to safeguard privacy, people are not required to include their last name or have a photo.
So what does anyone have to lose by going on the site?
Whether it is yourself or your dating strategies, it’s 2020. Which means you need to stop using the photo of yourself from 1999, and stop using the dating tactics from then too.
So what can you do? Here’s my advice. If you aren’t using Partners in Shidduchim, start! Today! Sign up and check the site on a weekly basis for new profiles. And remember, it’s a completely free, volunteer-driven site. The more who are on it, the more successful it will be. So please take a few minutes TODAY and get 2 of your friends to sign up.